User Profile

...I am beauty. I am strong. I am an enigma. I am in my early twenty's and I am PRO-ANA. Yes I have chosen an Ana lifestyle. No I am not an ANOREXIC. Ana's and actually eating disorder patients are very different. I have chosen an Ana lifestyle to get my body in better check and to break the food addiction of eating and gorging myself everyday out of luxury rather than any kind of healthy nutrition. I choose to be part of a change. I want children in Africa to have enough to eat everyday and yet here I am stuffing 3-5 slices of pizza in my disgusting fat mouth at a party on friday night. HOW APPAULING! Can you believe that? No I choose not. I choose to change that. I choose to become PICTURESQUE ANA. I choose this for health, for social consciousness, and for confidence. I however feel alone. This choice I make must be kept secret from all those I love. Why? They just don't understand. They say I am sick. Yet I am actually still very much OVER weight. They would never see my choice as intelligent and well thought out. They would mistake my passion for obsession and my revelation for bad perception. I don't weight 80 lbs and am looking in the mirror saying "I'M SO FAT". That's def an ED victim. I have been obese and hate it. I have been the fat girl. I have been the fat friend all the guys ask for girl advice from. I have been the heaviest child in the family. I AM SICK OF BEING TRUELY SICK. SICK WITH A REAL EATING DISORDER! THE DISORDER WHERE ALL I DO IS EAT TO COPE. To cope with a mother who tells me I am worthless. To cope with a father who smacks me around when he is angry. To cope with a rape I often nightmare over. I choose a different path. A path of healthier choices. I choose to control my portions. I choose to eat foods that contribute to my body and not destroy it. I choose to starve myself till I feel like it's ok to eat again. I RESERVE THE RIGHT! Don't I?!!!

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